He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
