she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
