Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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