hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
