if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize