That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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