That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
