last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
