Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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