He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
