i may or may not be watching the land before time
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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