what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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