the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
