I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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