Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Randomize
