so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
tell me about the eggs
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