you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
