Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
