Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
