i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
