How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
