so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize