Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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