I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
