I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I just put wine in my tea
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
