It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
