Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
