You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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