apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
