I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
