Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize