Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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