you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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