I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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