In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
