look no pants
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
