I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
