smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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