I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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