I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
