I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
