and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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