Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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