I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
