i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
