I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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