question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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