I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
