The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
