Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
