Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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