the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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