So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
