walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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