when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
