census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This baby is an asshole
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
