It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
