Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
