Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You are the jesus of drinking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize