Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
