No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
