Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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