seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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