so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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