Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
