either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
