Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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