I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
