Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
