Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
