Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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