Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
