with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
