I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
