It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
