I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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