Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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