you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
