Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
