I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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