Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
