hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
